Ups & Downs

This is how I can describe the first month since I am Back. A lot of downs and eventually some jump up, a dive into the good side of life here.

I am sick of it all sometimes. I am sick of all that miserie I have to bear and clean. I am sick of seeing and people trying to exploid others in any way possible. I am sick of those who are so selfish that can’t put themselves into your shoes, despite they were there not long ago.

In one moment I laugh and everything is perfect, and then one word or the lack of it can push me into a dark corner of my mind and keep me there for hours. When being there, feeling pitty for myself, I feel so comforting and safe .

Sometimes I get stuck inthere, and I feel there is no one to drag me out of it. No one really to rely on, to find comfort and a warm hug. No one can fell me, recognize in my look  my fears and worries. I am alone. Among so many people. And that is a sad thought that makes me burst into tears often.

I feel like a lost child in a crowded amuzement park full with screaming kids, annoyed parents and repulsingly looking clowns. It’s dark, and the few blinding lights from the rides are making it hard to find the exit. It’s a mad world. And there is no one who can or want to help. No one who cares. They just smile and pass by. Not their problem after all, right?!

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
Love the way you lie

[Verse 1 – Eminem]
I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight

High off on love, drunk from my hate
It’s like I’m huffin’ paint and I love it
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she f**kin’ hates me, and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I’m leaving you.
No you ain’t. Come back. We’re running right back

Here we go again, it’s so insane
Cuz when it’s going good, it’s going great
I’m Superman with the wind in his back
She’s Louis Lane and when its bad, it’s awful
I feel so ashamed, I snap “Who’s that dude?”
I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her, I’ll never stood so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 – Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with ’em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills you still get ’em
Now you gettin’ f**kin’ sick of lookin’ at ’em
You swore you’d never hit ’em, never do nothing to hurt ’em
Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit ’em
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, bit ’em
Throw ’em down, pin ’em, so lost in the moments when you’re in ’em

It’s the rage that took over it controls you both <<
So they say it’s best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don’t know ya cuz today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over and it’s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you’d show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that’s why they call it “window pane”

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
musicjuzz.blogspot.com
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 – Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routines
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is
You’re the same as me
When it comes to love you’re just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn’t you. Baby it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much, to walk away now
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
I told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won’t be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it’s lies
I’m tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to f**kin’ leave again,
Ima tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Just gonna

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

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    • Esenti
    • October 31st, 2010

    This is going to go away eventually. It’s the shock of changing life styles in a blink of an eye.
    I am sure there is someone who cares but people often avoid seeing through somebody else’s eyes.
    It’s just easier that way.
    Those “dark corners” of your mind are going to become more rare day by day… You don’t need hope right now, you need to find.. something new to do. It’s the best healing therapy – learning something new. So head up darling and don’t excuse yourself from smiling, the world is emptier without a smile like yours.

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