Lana Del Ray – Born to die

Lana is actually called Elizabeth. She stroked me with her stylish presence and unique sound, memorable videos and lyrics.

Lana is one of a kind and will certainly enter my ‘Favorites for Life’ folder.

This is the first song I ever heard of hers a few months back, which made me crave for more…

Feet don’t fail me now
Take me to the finish line
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I’m hoping that the gates,
They’ll tell me that you’re mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you’re mine
It’s like I told you honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die

Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Tried to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn’t find
All the answers, honey

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words,
This is the last time
Cause you and I
We were born to die
We were born to die
We were born to die

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don’t know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let’s go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause You and I
We were born to die
We were born to die

I am back

Постоянство. Винаги ми е липсвало.

Мисля, че с бързо ‘прелистване’ на блога, лесно може да се забележи.
Има известна периодичност. Преди се оправдавах с факта, че нямам муза в определени моменти. После дойде работата, учението, гаджето, забързания живот и с него хилядите оправдания, в които съм се усъвършенствала толкова много.

След месеци мълчание, днес отворих блога си. Първо бях изненадана от факта, че все още имам валидна регистрация. Не бях толкова изненадана, че за момент си забравих паролата. Минута по-късно бях почти шокирана от факта, че някои дни са доста силни откъм читателски интерес, при все че масата от статии нямат текст (ако не броим lyrics).

След това се зачетох. Усмихвах се на позапрашелите спомени, усещането за промяна в мен, коео вярвам, че е винаги за по-добро.

И си спомних защо толкова много обичам тази малка моя музикална кутийка.

Събрала е купища ценна музика и безброй емоции, спомени за това кога, как и поради каква причина съм писала. Кара ме да си спомням какво е било тогава и как съм стигнала до тук.

Това е не просто блог пълен с любимите ми парчета, това е кутия със спомени, които от малка винаги съм искала да имам.

Иска ми се да продължа да го правя. Да преотривам себе си, докато пиша, да събирам като стари марки в книга всички любими за момента артисти и албуми, да размишлявам, да дълбая, да бъда сама със себе си.

Липсва ми. Затова съм тук и пиша отново. За свое собствено удовослтвие. За да виждам промяната. За да запазя спомените. За да бъда себе си.

Разбира се, новото начало изисква свежа музика. Hurts… основана не много отдавна, тази английска група ме завладя толкова бързо, лесно и силно, че потрепервам всеки път, когато си пусна нещо тяхно.

Обичам да вярвам на усещанията си. Откакто чух Hurts за първи път, знам, че ще съм техен фен до живот. Твърде силно е, за да го пренебрегна и да го отдам на това, че са нови, свежи и каквото и да е. Просто го знам!

Реших да започна с Evelyn..

New Year, New Love

 

Слушам си така любимата Conjure One – Premonition, която все още ми напомня за периода, в който преживявах Адам.

Oнези пролетни месеци във Варна, когато търсех утеха и спасение в нарочно затрупаното ежедневие и вечните партита през нощта.. Сякаш депресията не се усещаше така силно.. А и идеята, че той продължава да ме обича и че има надежда също ме крепеше от изпадане в бездната, където те отвежда осъзнатата жестока истина. Не исках да я призная тогава и ме боля донякъде по-малко заради това.

Нова страница. Clean slate. Истински! Колко пъти съм си казвала, заявявала наляво и надясно и писала тук, че ‘най-после съм преживяла Адам…’. Безброй са. И всичките целяха да убедят преди всичко мен. Толкова неуспешно.

Колкото исках да го забравя и преживея, толкова надеждата ми за събирането ни не ми позволяваше да продължа напред. Толкова силно бе желанието ми и дори нуждата от комуникация с него. В онези моменти по-болезнено за мен беше да се опитам да прекъсна контакт с него, отколкото да се самозаблуждавам, че някой ден пак можем да бъдем заедно. А дълбоко в себе си аз бях наясно, че това никога няма да се случи, но не можех да го призная. Not yet.

Вместо това се успокоявах с приятели, нови запознанства, хубава музика, партита и разкази. Моите разкази на по кафе с приятел за това колко хубаво и перфектно беше. Перфектната връзка. The perfect match. Perfect couple.  Perfect everything.

Всичко е временно, всичко тече и все някога eventually изчезва дори от света на спомените. Колко съм благодарна понякога, че забравям бързо. Забравям, но не преживявам лесно. Повече от 2 години ми отне да се отърся изцяло от него и от идеята за Нас. Перфектните нас. Които никога не сме били.

In the end of the day се оказа, че едно единствено нещо, което можеше и успя да ме накара да забравя един, бе любовта ми към друг. Като the key word is LOVE. Не просто друг мъж, но истинско чувство към него.

Отне време, ужасно много време да си позволя да чувствам отново. Но с месеците малко по малко той превзе сърцето ми. Изчисти го и освободи място за една топлота, която струи толкова силно в момента. И докато пиша това, се страхувам от силата, с която мога да го обичам. Поради което все още леко се ограничавам.

Осъзнах, че го обичам преди два дни. В средата на една жестока кавга. В която не просто бях виновната, но и глупавата. И почти успях да разваля и приключа всичко между нас.

В момента, в който осъзнах, че съм на път да го загубя и то по мое желание, заплаках с все сила и му казах „Не, не искам да те зарежа, напротив, искам те повече от всякога…”.

Това бе моментът, в който най-после се освободих от миналото и заобичах отново. Доста по-плахо и бавно, но най-после отново го усещам. ..Това учестено сърцебиене за някой друг. Прекрасно и толкова плашещо. Но прелъстяващо. Въпрос на време е да надделее над страха и да ме превземе изцяло.

И тогава Бог да ми е на помощ. Защото в любовта си страдам най-силно. Дано само той ми покаже и/или докаже, че я заслужава.

 

My soul is a desert
When nothing is comfort
Sheltered from chaos
And sheltered from you

Can’t feel you anymore
Don’t need you anymore
Don’t believe you anymore
I don’t need you anymore

Enough with temptations
Illusions are evil
We exist in confusion
Soulless and vain

Can’t feel you anymore
Don’t need you anymore
Don’t believe you anymore
I don’t need you anymore

It’s broken me down now
This hurts and it’s hopeless
Can’t look to the future
The window is stained

Can’t feel you anymore
Don’t need you anymore
Don’t believe you anymore
I don’t need you anymore

I don’t need you
anymore, I don’t need
you anymore
I don’t need you
anymore, I don’t need
you anymore

Here’s to fresh starts!

So here I am. Enjoying my home alone night for the first time in a while. Discovering a great new song, again for the first time in quite a while. Regretting I didn’t write and post so many things worth sharing.

As some suggested – the bad went away eventually. And everything got better.

Pure luck is often the reason why best things in life happen. Pure luck and a smile, preferably accompanied by positive thinking. Always. As hard as it might be. Downs in life make that quite harder, but eventually not impossible.

Music was forgotten. Time for being a big girl, doing serious things and working hard in the pursuit of a better life.

Life finally put its pink glasses for me. Hopefully for long this time. I need them so badly. This is why as exhausting as it might be sometimes, I am grateful.

And I start wanting more.  It is true what they say: “The moment you get what you want, you start wanting something else”. The trick is to think big, dream big and enjoy the journey. And try to learn from every experience, no matter good or bad. And to change in the process. Cause change leads to development, they say. I tend to believe that.

Cheers! To fresh starts!

I catch your eyes , try not to smile

I track your style I feel your vibes

We have a drink then go outside

Talk for a while and then we kiss

And then we kiss … (x2)

We play the game we start to move

I feel my heart you feel the bit

I take your hand you turn down slow

We start to feel It’s time … to go.

Tonight moon it will hit the sky

And it’s no surprise we’ll wake up with you

Right I shouldn’t compromise,I don’t have to think twice

What to do …

You got me hypnotized (x3)

So you know what to do

You got me hypnotized (x3)

So you know what to do

So we slide into the night and to the wild open flow

Oh stary eyes you see me glow so will I hide or will I show

You watch me dance I feel you move

You pull me near nothing to fear

We drifted outside, dream aside until we slide into the light

Tonight moon it will hit the sky

And it’s no surprise we’ll wake up with you

Right I shouldn’t compromise I don’t have to think twice

What to do ..

You got me hypnotized x3

So you know what to do

You got me hypnotized (x3)

So you know what to do …

Ups & Downs

This is how I can describe the first month since I am Back. A lot of downs and eventually some jump up, a dive into the good side of life here.

I am sick of it all sometimes. I am sick of all that miserie I have to bear and clean. I am sick of seeing and people trying to exploid others in any way possible. I am sick of those who are so selfish that can’t put themselves into your shoes, despite they were there not long ago.

In one moment I laugh and everything is perfect, and then one word or the lack of it can push me into a dark corner of my mind and keep me there for hours. When being there, feeling pitty for myself, I feel so comforting and safe .

Sometimes I get stuck inthere, and I feel there is no one to drag me out of it. No one really to rely on, to find comfort and a warm hug. No one can fell me, recognize in my look  my fears and worries. I am alone. Among so many people. And that is a sad thought that makes me burst into tears often.

I feel like a lost child in a crowded amuzement park full with screaming kids, annoyed parents and repulsingly looking clowns. It’s dark, and the few blinding lights from the rides are making it hard to find the exit. It’s a mad world. And there is no one who can or want to help. No one who cares. They just smile and pass by. Not their problem after all, right?!

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
Love the way you lie

[Verse 1 – Eminem]
I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife in my windpipe
I can’t breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like I’m in flight

High off on love, drunk from my hate
It’s like I’m huffin’ paint and I love it
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she f**kin’ hates me, and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I’m leaving you.
No you ain’t. Come back. We’re running right back

Here we go again, it’s so insane
Cuz when it’s going good, it’s going great
I’m Superman with the wind in his back
She’s Louis Lane and when its bad, it’s awful
I feel so ashamed, I snap “Who’s that dude?”
I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her, I’ll never stood so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 – Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with ’em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills you still get ’em
Now you gettin’ f**kin’ sick of lookin’ at ’em
You swore you’d never hit ’em, never do nothing to hurt ’em
Now you’re in each other’s face spewing venom in your words when you spit ’em
You push, pull each other’s hair, scratch, claw, bit ’em
Throw ’em down, pin ’em, so lost in the moments when you’re in ’em

It’s the rage that took over it controls you both <<
So they say it’s best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don’t know ya cuz today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over and it’s a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you’d show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that’s why they call it “window pane”

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
musicjuzz.blogspot.com
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 – Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routines
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is
You’re the same as me
When it comes to love you’re just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn’t you. Baby it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much, to walk away now
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
I told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won’t be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it’s lies
I’m tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to f**kin’ leave again,
Ima tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Just gonna

[Chorus – Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

U2 – With or Without You

A song by U2 from 1987.

Sounds as the mid 90’s to me, but what do I know?! (except the fact that Bono was HoT back then ;))

Enjoy it, one of their greatest songs for sure!

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you.
I can’t live with or without you.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She´s got me with nothing to win
And nothing left to lose.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you.

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you.

Sia – My Love

Early in the morning, late at night, everywhere, any time, this song is with me constantly..

If I don’t listen to it, I sing in my mind. When next track starts, I just press Previous..

Obsessed all over again. Can’t resist it.

I can only wish myself one such song every day and I will be a happy woman!

And when I ask myself if I feel happy now, I feel the urge to scream “YES!” (long-sigh-of-relief ;))

I feel good, insecure, somewhat unprepared, excited, impatient. With a hint for what is about to happen, a memory from what already did and with the desire for more , I wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

I’ve always liked the idea of the American proverb “Today is the first day of the rest of your life“. Starting – next Monday!

Am I ready for it?! Most probably not. Will I enjoy every second of it? You can bet I will!

Especially with such good music in the background.

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all, into the call
You took a chance and
You took a fall for us

You came thoughtfully, loved me faithfully
You taught me honor, you did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me my love

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had and now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I’ll be with you

You took my hand added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release
Aaaahhh oooh

I know you’re pleased to go
I won’t relieve this love

Now I am strong (Now I am strong)
You gave me all
You gave all you had and now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I’ll be with you
oooooohh ooooh
Du du du ooooooh